Quest for Freedom

How Divorce Can Set You Free

Toronto divorce lawyer here and like many of you I’m on a quest for freedom. I’m not physically shackled in any way but it’s time to debunk a long standing and wrongly held belief that is stopping many people from truly being free. I’m talking about the idea that divorce is inherently and uniformly bad. It’s not. Simply put getting divorced is getting a bad rep. As someone who deals in divorce everyday I’m going to let you all in on how society has been misjudging divorce for years. Again as a Toronto divorce lawyer I understand how divorce works and would never treat it lightly. Surely there are many people that had terrible experiences with divorce, some of them have even been my clients, but many people have had terrible experiences flying and we treat planes much better than we treat divorce.

In the most basic sense divorce is the formal ending of a marriage. This is undoubtedly not something to celebrate but what about the alternative? Would staying with someone that doesn’t make you happy or you actively dislike be preferable to taking control of your life and searching for a relationship where you are truly fulfilled? Those are rhetorical questions. People focus too much on what’s ending during a divorce that they don’t realize the potential created by acknowledging a relationship has run its course. If a couple is deciding to get divorced, guess what, they’re unhappy. The sad part is already happening. Divorce isn’t the cause of their relationship’s problems but a means to remedy them. Sure the solution is technically killing the relationship but that should reflect how unhappy the people getting divorced are not the divorce process itself. In this way uniformly hating on divorce is a lot like demonizing penicillin because people only take it when they don’t feel well. An illogical confusion of the cause and the remedy.

Now, there’s the kid issue. Divorce is always hardest on children because they don’t have the emotional maturity and experience to process that mommy and daddy will be happier apart than together. I’m not going to say that divorce is good for kids but growing up around two people who are constantly fighting isn’t healthy either. As the divorce rate rises and the stigma around divorce lessens kids will be more used to encountering divorce and will eventually be better equipped to deal with their parents splitting up. In most cases it’s the peer groups that need to mature and remember not to pre judge children of divorced parents and maybe give them a bit of slack during the actual separation.

Still not convinced? Let’s play the anecdote game. Have you ever met somebody who regretted getting divorced? It’s possible though the numbers are small. People might regret that their relationship ended but in my years as a divorce lawyer in Toronto I’ve never met someone who would have stayed with their old partner rather than getting divorced. People regret their marriages all the time. They live in a monotonous compromise filled existence and let the stigma of getting a divorce prevent them from leaving a less than desirable situation. This turns what’s supposed to be an ongoing celebration of love into a daily war or attrition between two burned out partners.

The Quest for Freedom: What Are You Willing to Do to Be Free?